Wir sind Helden plays mass-compatible, shallow pop. A fitting advertising medium for our collective idiot sheet Bild. At least that's what the Jung von Matt advertising agency thought, which is supposed to find celebrities who are not too harmed to advertise for the Bild-Zeitung. But with frontwoman Judith Holofernes, they have approached the wrong person.
The Inquiry
And the response
The Inquiry
Dear Sir or Madam,
we are the advertising agency responsible for the current BILD campaign, in which we offer high-profile celebrities a platform to share their open, honest, and unvarnished opinions about BILD.
We are currently planning the next production phase for spring 2011. The new TV and cinema spots, as well as poster and advertisement motifs, are intended to complement the existing motifs from Veronica Ferres, Thomas Gottschalk, Philipp Lahm, Richard von Weizsäcker, Mario Barth, and many more.
For this continuation of the campaign, we would very much like to win “Wir sind Helden.”
The nice thing about the campaign is that it benefits a good cause. BILD donates 10,000 euros in the name of each celebrity to a purpose determined by them.
Let’s gladly have a phone call to discuss the details. For your information, we are already sending you some additional information today.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Best regards from Hamburg,
Jung von Matt/Alster Werbeagentur GmbH
And the response
Dear Jung von Matt advertising agency,
regarding your inquiry about whether we want to participate in the current Bild campaign:
I think you must be joking.
The ongoing poster campaign of the Bild-Zeitung with so-called testimonials, meaning some kind of commenting nonsense (even critical! Listen, listen!) from so-called celebrities (even critical ones! Oh my!) is the most perfidious thing I have come across in a long time. This means: according to your standards, it’s certainly a successful campaign.
Rarely has an advertising campaign played so cleverly with the stupidity on all sides. On one side, there are the celebrities who think: Hmm, the Bild-Zeitung, let’s be honest, a lot of people read it, that would be cool… But somehow that doesn’t really work, right, because it’s kind of beneath my level/evil/too visibly calculated… And then you come, dear agency, and build this poor, split celebrity a bridge, a wobbly, slippery one, but hey, what the hell, on the other side lies, let’s say, a bag of gummy bears. You tell those celebrities: you know what, you’re just not getting any money! We’ll just donate a little cash in your name, then it’s all good, because, whoever donates can’t have an ego, you get it? And besides, watch out, here comes the kicker: you can say WHATEVER YOU WANT!
And then those celebrities think up some pseudo-distant nonsense within their means, something “totally clever,” or smartly non-committal, or arrogant, or… And believe that this way they can get out of the situation without losing face. And still reach an incredibly large number of incredibly stupid people! Hooray.
On the other side, it goes without saying, the recipient, the incredibly stupid one, who thinks: Man, this Bild-Zeitung really dares something.
And the third side: You, dear young dynamic people, who know, at least in a very specialized part of your brain, exactly what you are doing. Except maybe when you come up with the idea of asking “Wir sind Helden” for the campaign, because, let’s be honest, that would be totally funny if precisely they…
The problem with that: I probably studied with half of you, and I know that you learn in your first semester that the medium is the message. Or, to put it another way, that there is no “good in the bad.” That means: I know that you know, and I know that you don’t care.
The BILD-Zeitung is not a trash cultural asset to be viewed with a wink and not a harmless “guilty pleasure” for well-coiffed upwardly mobile people, not a funny social reference and not a lifestyle quote. And certainly not is the Bild-Zeitung what you want to sell it as: a beloved yet largely harmless inventory of a much smarter Germany.
The Bild-Zeitung is a dangerous political instrument — not just a strongly magnifying telescope into the abyss, but a malignant entity that does not describe Germany but creates it. With an agenda.
In the risk of repeating myself: I think you must be joking.
With polite regards,
Judith Holofernes
